We went to a funeral today. It was the neighborly thing to do, and not just because the service was for the mother of someone who used to live next door to us.
When you've known someone for 20 years, even if you don't talk to each other as much as you used to, you want to support them the best way you can because you care. At this stage of life, that means attending funerals more often than when we were younger. You may wish it weren't on your calendar, but you also want to be there to offer whatever comfort you can.
These particular neighbors moved to a nearby city years ago, but we still see them on occasion. There was even a chance for a little reminiscing about what it was like when we were just a few steps away. That got me to thinking about what makes a good "neighbor."
The traditional television scene includes, "Can I borrow a cup of sugar?" I don't know about you, but I haven't gotten baking supplies from anyone on my street, ever (unless you count someone sharing an abundance of zucchini with everyone they know). What have I learned about "neighborly behavior" from my childhood through today? What do neighbors do?
You say "hello" to each other, by name. They pick up the mail and the newspaper when you're out of town. You shovel a path between your houses. You watch each other's kids. You feed each other's pets. You share a clothesline. You sit around a campfire in the back yard, perhaps with cocktails, perhaps with coffee. You may even break into old spiritual songs because they're the only ones to which you know all the words. A smile and a nod in the driveway may turn into a picnic. You keep an eye on things, checking in periodically just to make sure everything's OK. You watch football games together. They give you a ride when your car won't start. You have no qualms about walking into their yard if needed. They water your plants. You don't have to dress up or clean your house before they can come in. They are one of your emergency contacts. You park in their driveway when you're expecting company and need extra space. And the very best neighbors? They are key-worthy. They either have a spare one of yours or know where you keep yours hidden. Now that's a true neighbor you can trust!
Our next-door neighbors now are fine people. We know each other's names and might even recognize each other in the store. No complaints about loud parties or wandering pets. But we don't seem to have a lot in common. We're cordial, but I wouldn't say we've "clicked." Plus, our previous neighbors set the bar so high that I can't imagine anyone living up to their legacy! And two houses down on either side? Those names and faces are only vaguely familiar to me. That's as much my fault as theirs, and it's nothing intentional. I've just never been the sort to walk into someone's yard and introduce myself.
When these thoughts started running through my mind this afternoon, I naturally visited the Merriam-Webster website to check out the "official" definition. A neighbor is "a person who lives next to or near another person." Honestly, though, I would refer to the individuals in those houses as simply "the people who live next door." The friends we saw today were "neighbors" because they were neighborly: "helpful and friendly," and so much more. I believe that's why I will forever refer to them as "Neighbor," and why, I hope, they will always refer to me as "Neighbor Sandy."
A neighbor to me will always be defined by more than their street address. My best friends are neighbors on the inside, even though they're a short drive away. It's about the relationship you share. And if you're lucky, you'll have that relationship with someone just a few steps away.
What do you value in your neighbors?
When you've known someone for 20 years, even if you don't talk to each other as much as you used to, you want to support them the best way you can because you care. At this stage of life, that means attending funerals more often than when we were younger. You may wish it weren't on your calendar, but you also want to be there to offer whatever comfort you can.
These particular neighbors moved to a nearby city years ago, but we still see them on occasion. There was even a chance for a little reminiscing about what it was like when we were just a few steps away. That got me to thinking about what makes a good "neighbor."
The traditional television scene includes, "Can I borrow a cup of sugar?" I don't know about you, but I haven't gotten baking supplies from anyone on my street, ever (unless you count someone sharing an abundance of zucchini with everyone they know). What have I learned about "neighborly behavior" from my childhood through today? What do neighbors do?
You say "hello" to each other, by name. They pick up the mail and the newspaper when you're out of town. You shovel a path between your houses. You watch each other's kids. You feed each other's pets. You share a clothesline. You sit around a campfire in the back yard, perhaps with cocktails, perhaps with coffee. You may even break into old spiritual songs because they're the only ones to which you know all the words. A smile and a nod in the driveway may turn into a picnic. You keep an eye on things, checking in periodically just to make sure everything's OK. You watch football games together. They give you a ride when your car won't start. You have no qualms about walking into their yard if needed. They water your plants. You don't have to dress up or clean your house before they can come in. They are one of your emergency contacts. You park in their driveway when you're expecting company and need extra space. And the very best neighbors? They are key-worthy. They either have a spare one of yours or know where you keep yours hidden. Now that's a true neighbor you can trust!
Our next-door neighbors now are fine people. We know each other's names and might even recognize each other in the store. No complaints about loud parties or wandering pets. But we don't seem to have a lot in common. We're cordial, but I wouldn't say we've "clicked." Plus, our previous neighbors set the bar so high that I can't imagine anyone living up to their legacy! And two houses down on either side? Those names and faces are only vaguely familiar to me. That's as much my fault as theirs, and it's nothing intentional. I've just never been the sort to walk into someone's yard and introduce myself.
When these thoughts started running through my mind this afternoon, I naturally visited the Merriam-Webster website to check out the "official" definition. A neighbor is "a person who lives next to or near another person." Honestly, though, I would refer to the individuals in those houses as simply "the people who live next door." The friends we saw today were "neighbors" because they were neighborly: "helpful and friendly," and so much more. I believe that's why I will forever refer to them as "Neighbor," and why, I hope, they will always refer to me as "Neighbor Sandy."
A neighbor to me will always be defined by more than their street address. My best friends are neighbors on the inside, even though they're a short drive away. It's about the relationship you share. And if you're lucky, you'll have that relationship with someone just a few steps away.
What do you value in your neighbors?
