Just Checking In

I see by the clock on the wall (or rather, by the dates on my posts) that I haven't written in a few weeks. Apparently nothing particularly exciting has happened around here...which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Let's see if I can come up with a few things worth noting.

I was washing a sink load of dishes one night (ooh! aah!). A juice glass broke in my hand. Nothing delicate or particularly fragile. One of the more "sturdy" glasses actually. As I was rubbing the dish cloth around the rim it just snapped. Cue the bleeding! Took a nice gouge out of my right index finger by the middle knuckle. Not an easy place to keep a bandage, but it's healing up nicely. I'll likely have a bit of a scar by which I can always remember the moment. It will match the similar one on my pinkie that I got about 30 years ago, also when a glass broke while I was washing it. I may have to stop doing household chores if they're going to be so dangerous!

I was careful to not feel too sorry for myself over a minor inconvenience. Another of my friends has been diagnosed with cancer. Though we haven't seen each other in decades, I've known him for over 40 years (since elementary school)! Facebook allowed us to get back in touch. We get along great there, and he's always got something interesting to say. I hope it helps keep his spirit strong to share his experiences and get so much loving support from friends across the country. We all wish him healing. As I wrote almost two years ago, I'd rather be counting six degrees of Kevin Bacon than so many degrees of cancer.

One of my dearest friends finally turned 50. I think she's realized that it's not as bad as it's sometimes made out to be. She wanted to go for lunch at our favorite "girls' weekend" haunt. So the three of us, plus a friend of one, plus one of the birthday girl's friends from way back (even before we met!) went on a little road trip. As difficult as it can be to hold a conversation in the car, we managed quite well, especially considering some of us were meeting for the first time. As we were enjoying our tasty tavern treats, we were trying to explain some of the reasons we enjoy the place so much. We gave an example of two colorful characters we met on our very first visit. We told them the explanation we had been given for one fellow's nickname. Let's just say he had uniquely destroyed some of his family's property...twice. As we're sharing the story, one of the gals noticed some folks at the end of the bar paying extremely close attention to us. Lo and behold, it was one of the people about whom we'd just been talking! Yes, someone we met once five years ago and who has become part of our lore was mere feet away. He was an incredibly good sport and shared the story again of how he got his nickname. It may not sound like much here, but it was such an unexpected coincidence that we laughed about it repeatedly the rest of the day.

Our weather has finally fallen into sync with the calendar. I think I'm appreciating the tulips, lilacs, and lily of the valley more than I have in years. The sights and sounds are more spectacular than ever after the nasty winter we endured. 

We have reached the unofficial beginning of summer and it couldn't be sweeter. The only cloud was the thought of all the lives lost over the years, those we honor on Memorial Day. We can be proud of those who answered the call to service and mourn those that never came home to enjoy the freedoms for which they fought and sacrificed. Thank you.

Here's hoping you're enjoying your everyday life, as well. Don't forget to check in once in a while!


Memorial Day 2013

It's Nice to be in a Village

I realize yesterday was Mother's Day. I already tossed out a few thoughts about The Stages of Motherhood. But with all things maternal so top-of-mind, I realized something else for which I am grateful at all those stages. Being a mom would be a lot more difficult without other moms.

Now, you may have your own feelings about the whole "it takes a village" approach to raising children. Personally, I can't see myself in any sort of commune situation where everyone is literally taking care of everyone else when it comes to daily needs. But having the support of other women, especially when I was a new mother, was invaluable.

Not surprisingly, my first resources to consult were my own family. But my mother, sister, and in-laws were all in a different city. And I already knew that some of their styles didn't really fit our personalities. Add to that the fact that I'm the baby of the family and our son is five years younger than the next oldest grandchild...not a huge generation gap, but enough. (I am eternally grateful, however, that they saved onesies and pajamas and such and passed them on to me!)

Better than any book or TV show were the women I worked with and those within my circle of friends. There were several who were at a similar stage in their life. We each occasionally had schmutz on our clothing or bags under our eyes. Which pediatrician do you like? Let's trade coupons for diapers! Yes, that first tooth is painful, isn't it.

And who else can feel your "pain" on that first day of kindergarten? Can you pick him up for school in the morning? That sounds like an awesome field trip! You're right; let the kids work it out for themselves. I'd love to come to your child's performance! What time is graduation rehearsal? 

Sharing information, giving advice (when asked), and talking things out with someone facing the same situations makes the whole process run a little more smoothly and, perhaps, even more fulfilling. It's one more thing to bring us all closer together. We look out for each other and for each other's kids. It's not about overstepping our bounds. It's about recognizing that we have the same basic goals and concerns.

We're no longer talking about the "pink stuff" for ear infections. We're talking about our children as adults, and our lives as mothers of adult children. But we're still talking. And we still know that being a mother would be a lot harder without the other mothers who have taken and are taking that similar journey.

The Stages of Motherhood

I've been wondering what to write this year for Mother's Day. I've tried to honor my mom here before, so you already know some of the reasons I'm glad she's my mother. But I've come to realize that most of those reasons are difficult to identify or explain. It's hard to pick out any one particular time she did any one thing with us or for us. There are too many to name! She's really just a complete package.

I will say that especially over the last year or so, I've come to appreciate her so much more than I already did. Every time I have a new mom moment of my own, I gain a new understanding of what her perspective may have been when she had those same moments. 

That also got me to thinking about how you never really stop being a mother once you've become one. About 19 years ago, motherhood for me was a lot of feeding and changing and soothing. Hard work, no matter how well you're prepared. But so much love and joy just to see those little toes and hear those giggles! Naturally I don't remember it, but Mom fed me and changed me and soothed me, too. I hope I had cute toes and made her smile with my giggles, too.

Especially in those early years, there are so many "firsts." Crawling, teeth, words, steps...those moments that only happen for the first time once. If you're smart, you count your blessings as you wonder if life could get any better than watching this little baby grow (too quickly) into a regular little person. Even though I'm the third child, I have no doubt that my milestones were met with excitement, too.

Then you move into years with more new situations as your child begins to learn more about the world outside of your arms. They find people, places, and things they like as well as those they dislike. They may not like the rules you put into place as you figure out what is best for your family. The light bulb finally comes on brightly as you look back and realize your mom wasn't trying to be mean; she was trying to keep you healthy, safe, and smart. 

You may reach a point when it seems like you're always making something or doing something or driving your child somewhere. I remember thinking how proud I was that my son was discovering and enjoying and performing and exploring. Then I remembered that my mom spent a lot of time in the car with me, picking up this, dropping me off there. I thanked her specifically for that (only 30+ years after the fact).

Last year we hit the milestone of graduation. I didn't cry, really, but I could feel the love and pride running through my body as he walked across the stage in his cap and gown. When I was 18, it never really occurred to me to consider what my mom was feeling at the time. Now, I knew.

We've made it through my son's first year of college away from home. That's an adjustment for me. He's not here every night when I go to bed. I'm not asking him to take care of his laundry or calling him downstairs for supper. He's doing his own thing and living a responsible life. I'm here when he needs me, of course, but his daily life is his life, not mine. Ah, yes...my mom wasn't being nosy about my college friends. She just wanted to keep in touch because she loves me.

As he moves further into adulthood, my role as mother will continue to change. If I've got questions on how to deal with those adjustments, I'll think back to myself at that age...and I'll ask my mom to remind me what worked for her.

Every mother is different, just like every child is different. We have our strengths and our weaknesses. But just like life in general, motherhood isn't about the destination. It's not about getting through 18 years and then putting away the "mom" hat. It's about the journey. Your child changes and grows but will always be your child. And even though I'm no longer rocking my "little one" to sleep, I will still always be his mom...at all stages of our lives.

I'll love you forever.

I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living,

My baby you'll be.

--Robert Munsch, Love You Forever

Happy Mother's Day from one mother to another!

Mother's Day 2013
Mother's Day 2012

Should We Be Counting Six Degrees of Mark Sheppard?

As is usual on a Tuesday, I watched Supernatural tonight. Lots to love about the show if you enjoy plots that revolve around, well, "supernatural" activities. (If you're not familiar with it, you can get the basics about the show from the IMDb listing here.)

One character that brings a little extra fun to the episode is Crowley, the king of hell. (Yeah, I know how that sounds. It's a TV show...fiction. Trust me that it works in this context.) The reason the character is so appealing has got to be because he's played by actor Mark Sheppard. He expertly brings a mix of charisma, evil, and wit to the role. I've been entertained by him in everything I've seen him in. And he's been in those shows that I consider favorites: Supernatural, Firefly, Doctor Who, Warehouse 13...and those are just off the top of my head.

A friend pointed out, "Mark Sheppard is in pretty much every show I love, and if he's not, I expect him to show up in future episodes." That wouldn't surprise me one bit, but it did make me curious. What exactly has he been in? So, I looked up his listing on IMDb (which, if you haven't guessed, is one of the sites I visit on a regular basis). In addition to the shows I listed above, I was reminded of his role on White Collar. Yes, I like that show, though I can't always keep track of when seasons start and end on the cable schedules. Oh, look. He's been on Leverage. I'd only caught a few episodes before that series ended. Now I've got another reason to find a source to view the whole thing. He was on Chuck twice (I was a fan). Three times on Dollhouse (another short-lived Joss Whedon show). Looks like six times on the most recent Battlestar Galactica. That's already on my list of shows with which I need to become familiar. One visit each to Burn Notice, In Plain Sight, Monk, and The X-Files. Liked, liked, liked, and liked.

His credits go back more than 20 years. That seems pretty impressive to me. You might recognize his face if you saw it, but you might not know his name unless you're a geek, especially when it comes to sci-fi television (like me).

If asked, I wouldn't call him a "leading man," but he's no "sidekick" either. He brings some type of charm and mischievousness to the table that makes him a pleasure to watch. Keep an eye out for him. You might just find yourself becoming a fan, too. 

Transition Time

It's almost time for The Boy to come home from college for the summer.

It was about nine months ago we dropped him off to begin a new chapter in his life. In our life, too, actually. (Hmm...nine months. Just like another "waiting period" when it comes to a life transition involving your child.) You can read my thoughts on the first day of school here.

I got used to not having him around, not talking to him every day. I'm grateful for the technology that has been developed since the days when I was in college. Thanks to text messages and Facebook, I surely had more regular contact with him than I did with my own parents at the time. (I was never very good at writing letters.) 

I had to remind myself sometimes that this change in daily life was more about him than it was about me. He's supposed to leave the nest at some point, and it was my job to help prepare him for that. I spent a number of years in my adult life without a child around. He, like most children, always had us around. This was the natural progression into a new level of independence.

It was time for me to learn a new parenting method, a more delicate balance of hands-off and support. Naturally I'm interested in what he's doing, but it's not as much of my business as it used to be. I don't want to hover too much (which I may have been guilty of when he was young more than I'd care to admit), but I need to make sure he knows I'm always here when he wants to share anything.

It happened numerous times before as he was growing up, but again this year I gained an entirely new appreciation for my own parents. Now I understand better why they'd give me a good-natured hard time if I didn't call (back when we all had landlines and college kids made collect calls) very often or send a birthday card. They weren't nagging. They just loved me...and missed me.

Now we all need to get used to living together again for a few months between semesters. This is still his home...he's not a "houseguest." But he's also an adult who managed just fine without me trying to tell him what to do several times a day. I'll be trying to recall my first summer back home. If I can look at things from the perspective of the returning student and not solely as the mother, we can certainly keep this a smooth transition for the most part.

But I'm still really glad he'll be "back home" for awhile.