Happy New Year 2016

Is it that time again already?

You can count on New Year's Eve to come exactly one week after Christmas Eve every time. But somehow, the ending of the year can still seem to sneak up on me. But...but...wasn't it just Memorial Day? Fourth of July? This year was even a bit more of a shock because we didn't have any snow until earlier this week, and that was more than 12 inches! It just didn't feel much like December and winter before then (to me, anyway.)

But it is that time of year no matter what. It's a holiday, so I write. And I reflect.

Earlier today I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice to get a do-over on some years?" Don't most of us wonder what today would be like if we had made any number of different choices? But "what if" can make your head spin. I've watched enough shows involving time travel to know that it's not as easy as it would seem. What's the concept...the butterfly effect. One seemingly minor change in the past can have immense consequences on the present...or future...or one version of the present...or...wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. (See? Time travel is complicated!)  As someone who is grateful for TV episodes that start with, "Last time on...," I doubt I could keep track of which one thing in the past I would want to change and which things should be left alone. Life is one big choose-your-own-adventure story. Each choice directs the path to new choices. Change one, and the whole picture changes.

I was reminded of one of the toasts I shared with my family last Christmas: 

Don't worry about the future;

the present is all thou hast.

The future will soon be present,

and the present will soon be past.

The past is done and gone. Cherish the good parts and learn from the not-so-good. And the future is never really within our grasp. Plan for it, anticipate it, wonder about it, but before you know it, it will be here and then gone. If I don't live in the present, I'll totally miss it.

As I was writing this, another comparison came to me. I'm a fan of series premieres and finales. How exciting to catch something right from the beginning as well as see it get a proper ending. But if those were the only two episodes of a series I watched, I'd miss out on all the good stuff in the middle! So I can be psyched for the start of a new year. January 1 is the premiere. And I can have fond memories about the old year. December 31 is the finale. I'm going to make sure to catch every important moment in between.

Perhaps I just need to remind myself of this now and again. Luckily for me, December 31 gives me that opportunity.

As we say farewell to 2015 and welcome to 2016, I'll close with another of those toasts.

Here's to the bright new year,

and a fond farewell to the old.

Here's to the things that are yet to come

and the memories that we hold.

May you find something to celebrate every day in 2016!

Happy New Year 2013

Happy New Year 2014

(Apparently I had no inspired words at the beginning of 2015.)

Christmas Newsletter to Dad 2015

Hi, Daddy!

It's that time of year again. How can it be that five years have passed since you left this life? In 2010, we had just had a good old snowstorm. I had on your red hunting coat and was just about to head outside to start shoveling when Mother called. This year we're experiencing unseasonably warm temperatures (mid to upper 50s!) and haven't had any snow to speak of. No two days, or two years, are ever alike.

So, I try to write to you every year at this time. It's one small way I feel I can honor you and remember you somewhat publicly. I've read my posts from previous years, which is a little trip down memory lane for me. And I share different old photos of you on Facebook. They make me smile. Go ahead and say it: I almost talk to you more now than I did when you were as close as a phone call. Of course, that was in the days of pricey long-distance rather than unlimited minutes, and you weren't much of a "phone" guy anyway, so I think you're OK with it this way in the long run. Even though this isn't a traditional two-way conversation, I believe you're still there for me, as you've always been. A dad always finds a way to check up on his kids, especially when they don't know he's doing it. Thank you for always loving us through work, in play, with words, and with actions.

Let's see, what kind of grown-up stuff have I been up to... You probably noticed we've been making several trips to Minnesota over the last few months. (REALLY glad we have a reliable vehicle!) I've done most of the driving to, from, and IN the greater Twin Cities area. I wouldn't want to do it often, and I still don't like it, but we all do what we've gotta do. And though it might not sound like much to those who don't know me, I consider it a personal accomplishment of which I can be proud. Got my new glasses for this year. Finally got them in blue ("my color"), and so far I like them. Still don't like to admit I've got bifocals, though. There are times, of course, that you just can't beat a regular old magnifying glass. I'd been long overdue for a trip to the dentist, so I bit the bullet (pun intended) and paid them a visit. Yes, a few cavities, but not the worst it's ever been. Went to see a stand-up comedian with another couple. He wasn't quite as much fun to see in person as he has been to watch on television, but it was something I'd only dreamed of being able to do. Oh, and I had that one test that 50-year-olds are supposed to have (only two years later than recommended). It was way easier than I'd expected it to be. I imagine we'd have shared a few amusing anecdotes with each other about that one. Had our annual girls' weekend. (It's starting to be a bit of a jinx, as I'm sure you're aware. Extra heavenly support for that issue, if you could, please.) No big plans while we're up there. Just some alone time, and some girl time, and some lay-around-in-pajamas-and-watch-TV-time. I know you can appreciate the importance of an opportunity to get away from it all, whether it's a few days or a few minutes. For me, this is the equivalent of your time in the back yard by the fireplace or in the basement with one of your many hobbies. Speaking of... my photo of your multicolored hand artwork is one of my favorites, and some of my friends get a kick out of it, too. Bet you never thought anyone outside of the family would see it, much less like it!

Here at home, we have our own set of...stuff. But when I remember to open my eyes and look around, it's clear that everyone does, and many of those issues are much bigger than anything I try to tackle on an average day. So I take a deep breath and try to find joy in everyday moments: a cardinal in the back yard, a starry night sky, Christmas lights in the neighborhood. 

If this were a wedding anniversary, tradition would suggest a gift of wood. But it isn't, and I don't think you'd want a salad serving set or a new cutting board anyway. So I'll try to offer some wood imagery instead. You are still part of this tree's roots that keep me grounded. And I try to keep branching out with the strength I didn't know I had but you gave me long ago. OK, so sometimes it's just tiny steps rather than leaps and bounds, but every branch starts with a tiny bud, right? Is that getting too poetic and philosophical for you? Sorry...it's late, and I'm just trying to put into words things that I feel inside but don't usually say.

That's all I've got for now. It feels good to stay in touch this way, but I'm glad you're still peeking in on us and listening to me whenever I need to chat. Remember...stay with the group!

Merry Christmas, Daddy.

03/03/32 - 12/12/10

P.S. Yes, I blew out the candle before I went to bed (even checked it twice). Some things DON'T change.

2014 Letter to Dad
2013 Letter to Dad
2012 Letter to Dad
2011 Letter to Dad

Giving Thanks for Moments

I've been thinking all day about what to write today. It's a holiday, after all. And not just any holiday. It's a day that should include some reflection on everything for which we should be thankful. 

But it's difficult for me to put those thoughts into words sometimes without it sounding trite or corny. So, as usual, I look to previous posts for inspiration.

I've been thankful for the big things (2010) and for the obvious things (2012). I've been thankful for personal things (2013) and for things that make me happy (2014). I've even been grateful for a day set aside for gratitude (2011). 

So, where does that leave me for this year? Why don't I make notes for myself so I can list off any number of things from the past year that make me grateful? There weren't really any life-altering events that merit an entire post. I've come to realize that any year, or lifetime, is simply a collection of moments. 

There's a moment when...you get in the car for a trip with the girls.
There's a moment when...you share a hug.
...your phone rings.
...the lights go down and the performer comes onstage.
...someone posts a joke on your Facebook just for you.
...you reconnect with an old friend.
...you're successful at something new.
...your team wins.
...you finish a good book.
...you accomplish something that makes you proud.
...a firefly appears.
...you're given a surprise party.
...someone tells you you're loved.
...you find something you were sure was lost.

They aren't all good moments, of course.

There's a moment when...your phone rings.
...the lights go out.
...you lose a friend.
...you see someone in pain.
...you feel like you've failed.
...someone says hurtful words.
...you've caused someone pain.
...you realize something is gone for good.

All of these moments add up to my life up to this moment in time. We'd all rather have more good moments than bad. But that's a fantasy, the life of a fictional character. I can't pull a Pollyanna and find the "glad" in every situation. I can't remember every good thing that's ever happened for me. But I can savor those moments that made me smile. I can't remember details about each day in 1985, but I can reflect on the high points and treasure them. I can't change the past, nor can I predict the future. And I will never get to that future if I try to live in the past. But I can live in this moment and make the most of it.

I am thankful for all of the moments in my life. Each one should be treated as a gift, a privilege. Without each and every one of them, I wouldn't be...me.

Happy Thanksgiving, and may you enjoy many of your moments yet to come!

It's OK to Be a Bother

There are so many times in life when I don't do something simply because I don't want to be a bother.

I don't want to make a phone call because the other person might be in the middle of a TV show or a good book or some quality family time. I could ask for help finding something in a store, but I don't want to interrupt the other work the employee is doing. I get the urge to email a company when I find a typo on their website, but surely they have other things to do.

I'm not always like this. I will speak up when customer service is truly ghastly. I'll call to schedule an appointment because it needs to get done.  Perhaps it's more often with people I know and whose opinion I value that I feel like they must be doing something more important than whatever I had in mind.

I've witnessed this trait in friends of mine at one time or another, too, so I know it's not just me. Is it a gender thing? In some cases women naturally put the needs of others ahead of their own. Is it a generation thing? Courtesy and common sense don't seem as prevalent these days. Or is it just a me-and-some-of-my-friends thing? Birds of a feather flock together, you know!

There comes a time, though, when you realize that it's OK to speak your mind. That doesn't give you a free pass to be rude or selfish, of course. But your thoughts, actions, and words matter, just like everyone else's! Doesn't a business want to know if there are areas that could use improvement? If you've purchased a product, you deserve to have the item deliver as promised. If your boss has assigned a task to you, surely it's better to make sure you have complete and correct information. It's not a bother if you are working toward performing better. If you want something in a relationship, ask for it! If your needs are a "bother," then perhaps discussing them together will bring more clarity and contentment. If you want to call, or even send a text, just to say hello or to send love and good wishes, how could anyone be bothered by that? Think about how you feel when someone reaches out to you. It feels good, doesn't it? 

Yes, sometimes when you speak up, you may be bothering someone. But that's just a natural part of communication. Give and take. Compromise. Ask questions and listen for answers. Many smartphones have automatic text replies along the lines of, "Sorry, can't talk now. Call you back in a few minutes." Your friends will tell you, "I'm in the middle of something right now. Can I try you back later?" People can't read your mind. You won't know if you don't try!

So if your server brought you the wrong dish, be a bother and tell them. If the package arrived with the wrong order, be a bother and give the company a chance to correct it. If the medicine doesn't seem to be doing the job, be a bother and ask the doctor to try something else. If you want a loved one to know you're thinking about them, be a bother and give them a call. You'll both be glad you did...and no one will feel bothered.

Note: I've recognized these tendencies in myself before, even five years ago in this post. For a number of reasons, this subject is top-of-mind for me right now. Remember that if it comes from something genuine, it's not a bother. Say what's on your mind.

It's Hard to Stay Calm

When I'm really psyched I get inspired. I don't create great works of art to be enjoyed by generations. But I may write my own words to an existing song. And I haven't been this excited since I went to a David Cassidy show years ago. I attended that show with a best girlfriend, and we are soon going to a Craig Ferguson performance together. With such diverse tastes in common, it's no wonder we're friends.

With apologies to the actual theme song to The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, this is what I'm feeling right now.

It's hard to stay calm.

It's been a long, long wait.

And you've got the Scotsman comin' to town.

But hang on, get your tartan on

And let's do it anyway.

It's OK.

You can always sleep postshow tomorrow.

OK! Hey, hey!

Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

My Facebook Friends "Get" Me

It may not seem like much to some people, but to me, it means a lot that people like to laugh with me.

The sound of laughter can be music to your ears. Just imagine the sound of a baby giggling! Comedians thrive on the feedback from their audience. And quality time with friends always includes a healthy dose of laughter, sometimes even to the point of tears.

When you spend time with people on social media, it's a bit different. It's not face-to-face, so you're not getting that immediate reaction. I'm lucky, however, that even those friends I rarely see still seem to know what will make me chuckle.

In the last month alone, friends both old and new have posted items on my Facebook wall about "2th Avenue," the Oxford and Walken commas, Dr. Whom, and "supposably." Now, if none of that rings any bells with you, don't feel bad. Some of us simply look at language differently. 

What pleases me even more than the simple humor of the posts is that these particular friends didn't even really know me well during the time I was employed as a proofreader. Two I've known since high school, one since college, and one I only met about a year ago (though as a friend of a friend, it feels like we've known each other longer). None of them live in the same city as me. We don't call or write each other. But we're still connected, even if it's just through a keyboard. We share some history, and we share an appreciation of the English language. We know each other better because we pay attention to what the others share and what's important to them. And that's all good.

Never hesitate to let someone know that they've crossed your mind. And thanks for thinking of me. 

Can We Keep the SOCIAL in Social Media?

Gee. I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post (not that anyone's counting).
Here's what's been on my mind.

I admit it. I check my social media accounts multiple times almost every day. Oh, I talk to real people in real life, too, but I like using a variety of avenues to check in with people I know or with whom I'm acquainted. 

Lately, though, I find myself scrolling through my feed faster than I used to, especially on Facebook. I enjoy pictures of the kids, updates on family matters, and recaps of the adventures of friends. I block most game requests (I play some, I just don't need to see your every new achievement), zip past a lot of recipes, and generally tune out memes that are over-shared, especially those with spelling, punctuation, or grammar errors. I read the headlines or get the gist of the post but don't often feel as if I need to click through to read the rest of the story.

What I'm seeing more often is people who seem to be trying to "start something."

I like these online communities as a way of connecting with people with whom I have something in common. Shared interests, common history, relatives, friends...the usual. Merriam-Webster offers this in its definition of "social": relating to...activities in which people spend time...doing enjoyable things with each other; happy to be with people. Reading, typing, sharing, "liking," and tagging are all ways of socializing, in my opinion. Granted, these are all poor imitations of literally talking to one another, sharing a laugh, or giving a hug. But they are still a type of interaction.

That's how I view social media: tools to facilitate interaction between people. If we again check Merriam-Webster, we see this definition for "social media": forms of electronic communication...through which users create online communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content... I wrote some time ago about what I enjoy about social media. Use it however you wish, and you can get from it what you put into it.

That's why it bothers me so when I see people who seem to be using these forums to put MORE space between people. They snark and they complain. They say things as if they know it will push someone's buttons. It's as if they are looking for a fight. Go ahead and disagree with my post: I dare you! Please, offer a different opinion in the comments so I can prove my superiority! When I see a post with which I might disagree, I simply keep scrolling. I can be friends with a person, even if it's "just" Facebook friends, and not like everything they say. I believe mature relationships take into account all facets of a person, not just an opinion on an issue or two. While typing out a comment may give you an opportunity to more clearly organize your thoughts, it doesn't provide the same tone, timing, or non-verbal cues of an actual face-to-face conversation, a true dialogue. And, I simply will not take the bait.

As if stirring the proverbial pot weren't distressing enough, there can be so much general negativity! Their position is stupid. That belief is wrong. Rather than emphasizing why an opinion is smart, good, and right, so much time is spent on saying why the "other" guy is dumb, evil, and just plain wrong. You aren't going to convince anyone of anything by seeming to scold them. Show me the positive points of your position (ooh, that alliteration was accidental!) and I'll listen. Telling me that because you are right everyone else is obviously wrong will just make me tune you out.

The next big election season has already started (too soon for my taste). I dread it even more than seeing Christmas displays in stores in September. (Haven't seen them yet, but I bet it won't be long.) As hectic as the holidays are, at least you can often find good will, good behavior, and good times. Elections, on the other hand, tend to bring out the worst in people. Bad moods, bad manners, and bad attitudes. Tell me why I should support you, not why I would be foolish to support the other guy. Mudslinging, even when disguised as merely presenting "facts," will make me listen to you less, not more.

Believe what you want, support what you choose, think what you wish, and feel what you feel. But if you want me to think about your post rather than ignore it, give me positive messages to draw me in. Hostility and negativity will just push me away...and that's not being very social.

The Passing of a Passing Acquaintance

When I heard last week that an old friend had passed away, I felt I needed to write something to honor him. The more I thought about it, however, I realized I wasn't in a position to do so. I don't really know anything about the man he had become.

Jamie isn't the first person lost from my high-school graduating class. Some died way too soon, before our five-year reunion. I know of two who passed within the past few years. And there are likely some about whom I've heard nothing. It seems much to soon to have to think about so many in only the past tense. But I suppose we've reached an age where it will occur more often. My mom will let me know when she sees an obituary in the hometown newspaper for someone I might have known. In this case, another classmate posted the news on Facebook. Social media is great for sharing cute pictures and family updates, but, for better or worse, it also allows bad news to spread more quickly.

I hate to admit that I can't even truly refer to this person as a friend. Sure, we knew each other in school. We didn't really travel in the same circles but certainly could call each other by name and carry on a conversation with each other, at least as much as teenagers do. One thing I remember about him is that he was so nice. He didn't seem too hung up on the typical cliques and which people you should or should not associate with. You could still be friendly with people who weren't in your "group." Based on the other online condolences I read, a lot of other people remember his kindness, as well.

But as is often the case after graduation, many classmates leave town and lose touch with all but their closest friends (and sometimes even those). Everyone starts their new adult life with new people. Sometimes I wonder, "Whatever happened to...?" Especially before and after a class reunion, I'll pull out the yearbook and see who I'm missing. I've done a few casual searches on Facebook. Privacy settings make it difficult at times to see if I've found the right person, though. And it's not really my style to send random friend requests to people I haven't talked to in 30 years.

In this case, I'm sorry I didn't try to reconnect. He was worth knowing in high school, and I bet he would have been worth knowing now.

Maybe this is the time to start reaching out more. I wouldn't mind finding out what a few old classmates and colleagues have been up to over the years. Between Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google, you can find an email address without too much work. You can drop someone a note, or maybe send someone an actual card in the good old-fashioned mail, just to say hello. What's the worst that can happen? Someone may ignore you (or they may never check for "Other" Facebook messages that are sent by those who aren't your "friends"). But you'll still have the memory of that one math test that you both aced or the customers that made the job fun.

Some friendships can only be maintained when you're sharing your days together in school or at a job. But sometimes, they can become renewed when you just take a moment to remember why you connected in the first place. Don't miss your chance and be left with only an obituary to click on.

I'll Take That as a Sign

I thought for a moment I was having some sort of "episode" seeing flashing lights before my eyes until I realized it's that time of year for my one firefly sighting of the season.

I've been a little bummed lately. Nothing major in the grand scheme of things but enough to make me feel off. So it was a truly pleasant surprise to see that little twinkle in the yard tonight! Something flashing without being flashy. A small glimmer to remind me of the magic and wonder and beauty out there if you just let yourself be open to it. Try too hard to chase it and it can disappear, always just beyond your grasp. But sometimes, when you least expect it, it's there. You didn't create it, you didn't plan it, it's not even yours. But it's there. Even when things seem a little gray, and you may feel a little blue, there's still a little light there as long as you keep your eyes open.

I wrote once before about the simple joy of seeing a firefly. This may be the only one I see all summer. But I'm going to keep thinking of that one firefly and continue looking for bigger and brighter flashes yet to come.

Yes, I'm Watching "Mad Men"

Let me start by saying that I have not been a regular viewer of "Mad Men." I thoroughly enjoyed it as a new show but found myself losing interest after a season or two, especially when I was no longer employed at an ad agency. But the show has become a modern classic, and since I have a soft spot for a series finale, I allowed myself to get sucked in by the hype and have been watching the last set of episodes.

Fans have been wildly speculating about how story lines for their favorite characters will end. Having missed several seasons, I don't have enough information to make a truly educated guess. I've only read one list of theories via Mental Floss. That one list was more than enough for me. Connecting the characters to D.B. Cooper or Sharon Tate? I saw tweets suggesting a hitchhiker was actually Bob Dylan! Really? We're not watching "Forrest Gump" where the title character was inserted into numerous historical events. I have no guesses as to the grand finale and haven't read any more about it, but I do have a few thoughts.

Since the beginning, Don Draper has seemed to be eternally seeking something. It's true for a lot of people, though not to such extremes. He has a dream career and had a lovely wife and family. Possessions, success, sex, love...none of it seems to be enough. He drinks. He sleeps around. He breaks rules and pushes boundaries. Does he secretly wish someone could make him behave? I wouldn't begin to psychoanalyze him in that respect. (Besides, he's just a fictional character.) Is he afraid of being discovered as a fraud? I vaguely remember that he was born as Dick Whitman, then essentially stole the identity of Don Draper. Maybe he's realizing that his seeming success isn't really his, because he attained it when he wasn't really himself. He dreamed of being pulled over by a police officer who said something like, "We've been looking for you." To me, that has always been in the back of Don's mind: One day, they're going to find out I'm not who I've pretended to be.

It wasn't until after it aired that I learned the episode title was "The Milk and Honey Route." Well, that adds another layer to it. In the Bible, God promised to free the Israelites and lead them to a land of "milk and honey." Perhaps that phrase has been used outside of the Bible, but my mind went immediately to Exodus. (Well, I suppose my mind first went to Charlton Heston in "The Ten Commandments.") I can see parallels. Don Draper has been living the life of a pharaoh's son for years. It's time for him to return to his original identity, his Moses, or his Dick Whitman. He needs to, as they say, rediscover himself and find his true calling. Perhaps he is destined to be an auto mechanic. Maybe he'd be a fine English teacher. (I loved how he continually corrected the grammar of the kid at the motel!) He's been wandering in the desert that is his life for too long. Even if he can't go "home" again, it's time for Don to cross into his own land of milk and honey and find some peace.

I happen to think he has passed the mantle of the Don Draper identity on to the young con man. He now has the car and the pink slip. He can become his own version of Don Draper.

As for the other characters, I wouldn't know where to begin. They've all played important roles in Don's life, and in the show. While it might be nice to get a glimpse of what the '70s has in store for them, I don't know if we need any more than what we've already been given. I think Roger will go on being Roger. He might not be happy at the new agency, but he's good at his job and will adapt, I think. Peggy, too, has found a lot of her power. She can bide her time but will continue to move onward and upward. I'm not sure that Joan will be content to leave things as they stand, either at the agency or with her beau. And I don't believe Don will completely desert his kids. He's got plenty of issues, but he does love them in his own way. I hope that these stories aren't wrapped up too neatly. Leave something to our imaginations.

One more note. Pete seems to be finally getting out from everyone else's shadow. He can have a new job in a new town and not be the same annoying pest in the same old circumstances. But I found myself not really caring about the details. Once I heard him say, "I'm going to Wichita," I could only think of a song with that phrase as a lyric: "Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes.

I can't say I'll really be sorry to see the show go. It hasn't been on my to-watch list in ages. But as it comes to a close, I find myself caring just a bit about how it ends. And I wonder if these mad men will ever really be happy.

Another Year, Another Few Words

Dagnabbit! I missed my blog anniversary again! How could I let that happen? That's it. The date (March 11) is going in my calendar right now.

I have no excuse for not recognizing the date, other than I don't typically toot my own horn, pat myself on the back, or any other idiom that refers to praising oneself. 

But gosh darn it, I am going to be proud of myself for achieving this milestone. I was about to start listing all the things I have not accomplished with this blog, but I have decided to appreciate it as a personal success with no reservations or conditions. I write when I feel I have something to say, either to those who choose to read it or just to myself. I enjoy the feeling of putting a few words together in a way that expresses my thoughts and captures just one moment in time for me. 

What were some of those moments in the past year? I just took a quick trip down memory lane looking for highlights.

I watched a few series finales, some just because, and one because I had been a regular viewer. (I still miss Craig Ferguson on late-night TV.) I started using Tumblr as yet another creative outlet. I'm reading more than I had been in recent years and find myself wondering why I ever let that disappear from my regular routine. I wrote my annual "letter" to my dad as I've tried to do the last few years (though I was a bit behind schedule this year). I'm back in touch with the people who used to live next door and spent some time thinking about what it means to be a neighbor. And I gave my family an opportunity to offer a toast every month on an otherwise ordinary day.

I've been writing here for five years. I was a bit apprehensive about putting myself "out there" at first, but now the only thing I worry about before hitting the "Publish" button is that I've made a typo. In honor of that accomplishment, I raise a glass to myself (and to those of you who occasionally stop by for a visit):

Here's to another year filled with

fine times,

magical adventures,

and great memories!

I did recognize when I'd reached the three-year mark here. My first post still makes me smile. It was the right decision for me to start writing.

Comments? Suggestions? Random thoughts? Please, I welcome your comments (moderated) below, or use the box to the right to send me an email.

Sometimes I Surprise Myself

I just promised to cook something for other people.

Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal to you. And it really shouldn't be a big deal to me. But it just hit me that this may be a first for me.

I'm not the primary cook in our household. Even if I were, cooking for the people under the same roof is done every day around the world. They have to eat what you've made or they make do for themselves. I've baked things--the occasional cake, brownie, or snack/dessert item. With sweet teeth like ours, I could hardly go wrong in that respect. 

But this is going to be a side dish...for Easter dinner. I've made this macaroni and cheese before for the three of us. I follow the recipe in the Betty Crocker Cookbook and it turns out just fine. My niece is in charge of the holiday gathering this year, and something inspired me to offer a culinary contribution. What was I thinking?! I'm already trying to figure out if my mom has the "right tools." If I'm working in a different kitchen, I may need to bring along a favorite knife or whisk, just to help me feel more comfortable. I've already got an apron set aside, because what's a family holiday dinner without gingham?

It's not a terribly complicated recipe, so I'm sure it will be delicious. And if it's no one's favorite, I'll be fine with that. I'll just have lots of leftovers to enjoy. I'm just proud of myself for making the offer. There was a time I wouldn't have even considered putting myself (and my cooking) out there like that. 

I'm going to count it as a win that I'm still learning and growing, even when it's only cooking macaroni and cheese.

Raise a Glass Today

Just last week, on St. Patrick's Day, countless people were certainly raising a glass to toast to the day, their friends, the bartender, and whatever else tickled their fancy. 

A few months ago, people were celebrating the New Year, right on the heels of Christmas, perhaps with a sparkling beverage of their choice, or with their water or coffee. (It's the "tink" of the glasses that makes it special for me, not what's in the glasses.)

What if we raised a glass to honor someone or wish good things on a day that isn't a traditional celebration? That's the thought that came to me as I was trying to create a thoughtful yet extremely budget-conscious gift for my family last December. So I scoured the internet for a selection of toasts to share with them. I don't know that I've ever even given a toast, so I wasn't in a position to write them myself. (Sometimes you have to accept the reality of what you can or cannot accomplish on your own.) I gathered a nice variety, then personalized each person's set to include a birthday-related one for the appropriate month, perhaps an anniversary toast, and of course some for Christmas and New Year's Eve, all while trying to ensure that spouses did not have identical toasts in any given month. Each individual got their own plastic wine glass and 12 toasts to cover the year. The gifts were introduced with the following:

Christmas comes just once a year,

but a toast each month will keep good cheer.

A brief explanation and everyone had a gift that keeps on giving.

We don't need a "special" occasion as defined by a calendar or a culture to bestow good wishes on our loved ones, or on ourselves. There's a song that asks something like, "Why can't the Christmas spirit last all year long?" I hope, in some small way, these toasts help maintain that spirit. Joy, good will, generosity, peace, and all the other warm fuzzies shouldn't be limited to days that have their own section in the greeting-card aisle.

As some of them opened their January toast, this is what they read:

Here's to the year that has gone with its share of joy and sadness.

And here's to the year to come; may it have a full measure of gladness.

I hope that each month I've added a "drop" to their "full measure." May you also be glad throughout the year. I'll share more toasts periodically to help us all remember.

Cheers!

Life is Good (this week)

I know at times I look at my life and say to myself, "Self, you really should..." or, "Don't you wish..." or, "If only I..." The old "grass is always greener" trap. (Come on, admit it. Once in awhile you, too, think things in your life could be better.) I think that's part of human nature. If we pay attention and listen to ourselves, we are then motivated to change the things we can (and accept the things we can't) and try to improve ourselves and our lives.

We can't let ourselves, however, ignore the things that are good in life. And there are two things in particular this week that reminded me that I life ain't all bad. (Yeah, I said "ain't." It's my personal, informal blog and I'll say it if I want to.)

I have been working on a freelance proofreading project all week (with a few more days expected next week). It's for a client I've had before, but this particular project surprised me out of the blue. That's good, naturally, because they pay me to do it (and the money will be put to good use, I assure you). It's more involved than it first appeared, so that's like a bonus on top of the good fortune. The team has been great to work with, and they all seem genuinely appreciative of the benefit I am bringing to the project. Who doesn't love positive feedback? Even more important, though, is the satisfaction I get from doing this sort of work. Some of us actually enjoy fixing, cross-referencing, tweaking, double-checking, and polishing. I don't claim to be the perfect proofreader. But as I look at my work, I can see that I do a pretty darn good job. It was a good time for a reminder of that, and positive feedback is even more valuable when it comes from yourself.

Because I had been proofreading all week, I didn't have an opportunity to call my mother when I usually do. We don't live in the same town but try to talk on the phone once a week, just because. So, I got comfortable one evening and dialed her up. By time we'd both run out of things to say, do you know how much time had passed? More than two hours! Now, we average about an hour each time we talk, but this was a long call even by our standards! I couldn't even tell you many of the specific topics. Sure, we cover the weather, local news and events, a little TV or movie chatter, old school friends of mine. We might talk about the laundry or distant relatives as I still try to remember the names of all her cousins. We rarely have anything planned to discuss (though this time we both had notes of one or two items we wanted to remember to mention), but each subject somehow leads to another, and another, and so on, and so on. It has not escaped me that I know many people who no longer have their mothers in their lives, some by choice, others by circumstances beyond their control. Not everyone can just pick up the phone and say "Hi, Mom" whenever the mood strikes. Not everyone would want to even if they could. I am truly thankful to be able to share my inherited (though selective) gift of gab with my mother.

See? Life is good!

Being Neighborly

We went to a funeral today. It was the neighborly thing to do, and not just because the service was for the mother of someone who used to live next door to us. 

When you've known someone for 20 years, even if you don't talk to each other as much as you used to, you want to support them the best way you can because you care. At this stage of life, that means attending funerals more often than when we were younger. You may wish it weren't on your calendar, but you also want to be there to offer whatever comfort you can.

These particular neighbors moved to a nearby city years ago, but we still see them on occasion. There was even a chance for a little reminiscing about what it was like when we were just a few steps away. That got me to thinking about what makes a good "neighbor." 

The traditional television scene includes, "Can I borrow a cup of sugar?" I don't know about you, but I haven't gotten baking supplies from anyone on my street, ever (unless you count someone sharing an abundance of zucchini with everyone they know). What have I learned about "neighborly behavior" from my childhood through today? What do neighbors do? 

You say "hello" to each other, by name. They pick up the mail and the newspaper when you're out of town. You shovel a path between your houses. You watch each other's kids. You feed each other's pets. You share a clothesline. You sit around a campfire in the back yard, perhaps with cocktails, perhaps with coffee. You may even break into old spiritual songs because they're the only ones to which you know all the words. A smile and a nod in the driveway may turn into a picnic. You keep an eye on things, checking in periodically just to make sure everything's OK. You watch football games together. They give you a ride when your car won't start. You have no qualms about walking into their yard if needed. They water your plants. You don't have to dress up or clean your house before they can come in. They are one of your emergency contacts. You park in their driveway when you're expecting company and need extra space. And the very best neighbors? They are key-worthy. They either have a spare one of yours or know where you keep yours hidden. Now that's a true neighbor you can trust!

Our next-door neighbors now are fine people. We know each other's names and might even recognize each other in the store. No complaints about loud parties or wandering pets. But we don't seem to have a lot in common. We're cordial, but I wouldn't say we've "clicked." Plus, our previous neighbors set the bar so high that I can't imagine anyone living up to their legacy! And two houses down on either side? Those names and faces are only vaguely familiar to me. That's as much my fault as theirs, and it's nothing intentional. I've just never been the sort to walk into someone's yard and introduce myself. 

When these thoughts started running through my mind this afternoon, I naturally visited the Merriam-Webster website to check out the "official" definition. A neighbor is "a person who lives next to or near another person." Honestly, though, I would refer to the individuals in those houses as simply "the people who live next door." The friends we saw today were "neighbors" because they were neighborly: "helpful and friendly," and so much more. I believe that's why I will forever refer to them as "Neighbor," and why, I hope, they will always refer to me as "Neighbor Sandy." 

A neighbor to me will always be defined by more than their street address. My best friends are neighbors on the inside, even though they're a short drive away. It's about the relationship you share. And if you're lucky, you'll have that relationship with someone just a few steps away.

What do you value in your neighbors?

"Christmas" Newsletter to Dad 2014

Hi, Daddy!

I'm sorry I didn't write on your anniversary...or on Christmas...or at the start of the new year. I guess I just didn't have it in me, and I didn't want to bore you with just the "same-old, same-old." Not that anything earth-shattering has occurred in the last month or so. But since I didn't call or write regularly (or enough) when I was younger, the least I can do is try to stay in touch at least once a year now.

So, what was 2014 like for me? As I start this post, we're watching the Packers in the NFC Championship game. Don't want to jinx that! I will say, however, that I have some of your homemade green and gold candles that are ready to burn if we make it to the big game. I actually tried to pay attention to more games this season and make it about more than just my earrings. As your grandson said, I'm not a football fan, but I am always a Packers fan. (Please excuse the "colorful" language in the background.)

Speaking of your grandson, he's in the middle of his sophomore college year. He sure does enjoy what he's studying! It still takes some getting used to not having him around every day, especially since he just finished up winter break last weekend. I've probably said it before, but I sure understand you and Mother better as I have some of these parental experiences. And I remind myself what I felt like as a college student to have a better understanding of my son's state of mind.

Since I (unfortunately) still have some spare time on my hands, I've been reading more. Sometimes I'll choose a book from the shelf, other times I might pick up something from the thrift store. I even checked one out from the library! Honestly, I've been trying to write more often, too, but that urge sort of comes and goes. I even dabble on Twitter, Tumblr, and Cheezburger, just like the "kids today" use. OK, I realize that you're not familiar with either, and they're kind of hard to explain. Suffice it to say I try to get creative in social media...you know, on the internet.

Sorry...the fourth quarter is starting. I think I need to watch for a bit. I'll be back: I promise!

Ooh...guess it got jinxed after all. Looks like your candles are safe for another year.

Continuing here as if nothing has happened... I did a little more actual cooking and baking last year. A few times I just opened up the cookbook to see what tripped my trigger. The homemade mac and cheese turned out good, and I'm especially proud of the hamburger vegetable soup. It won't win any culinary awards, but it sure is tasty (and I feel like a real cook when I'm chopping all those veggies)! And, believe it or not, I made bread...from scratch! Mixing and rising and kneading, the whole nine yards. Oh, it was yummy, but not sure if it was yummy enough to justify all that work! At least I can say that I did it once.

We had to put on a new garage roof this summer. No, I did NOT climb up the ladder to check out the view from up there. Guess I had less fear of heights when I was little. I did help, though, by keeping the water and Powerade stocked, and by shoveling that ton (seriously!) of shingles into the trailer and out again at the recycling facility. Good thing I'd been mowing the lawn (now, of course, it's shoveling) to add a little oomph to my biceps! For Christmas, I got my very own rechargeable drill/screwdriver thingy. I'll be able to do all sorts of handy-woman-y stuff around the house and yard!

Well, it looks like that covers everything on my list of things to tell you (as if you didn't already know them anyway). The length of this post reminds me of my (almost) weekly calls to Mother. I usually have nothing in particular in mind to say, yet we always manage to talk for at least an hour. I'm gabbier than I thought! Anyway...I know you're there when I need you, and I just ask you to nudge me once in awhile, just to keep me on my toes. 

In the meantime, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and stay with the group.

Love you, Daddy!
03/03/1932 - 12/12/2010


2013 Letter to Dad
2012 Letter to Dad
2011 Letter to Dad