Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What is a "Real" Housewife?

I don't think I've ever watched a full episode, but I'll occasionally spend a few minutes watching some "Real Housewives" on Bravo. Orange County, New York...I'm not picky. Now and then it's just funny to watch one woman create drama by complaining about how much drama one of the other women brings with her. I suppose these women are as "real" as anyone on any "reality" show. But are they real housewives?

Ask a hundred people to define "housewife" and you'll probably get a hundred different perspectives. And each one would be correct. But for me, I'd hate for the TV version to be seen as the norm. Television has always defined women in whichever way made for the best storyline. There were the ideal housewives like Harriet Nelson and June Cleaver. Even Laura Petrie was a perfect housewife, though she dared wear capri pants.

TV housewives started to develop more as a reflection of the times. Samantha Stephens and Carol Brady morphed into Roseanne Conner and Debra Barone. These women seemed more believable!

Of course, my image of an ideal housewife is my mother. Cleaning, cooking, shopping, attending every school event. I remember her being my patient when I played with my new "nurse kit." (Yes, at that time, boys were doctors and girls were nurses.) I remember her teaching me how to iron. Everything was taken care of, and she still had time to regularly have coffee with the girls. When the kids got older she got a job with a payday, working outside the home while still taking care of everything inside the home.

I always considered a "housewife" as a woman who took care of everything for the home. That's her "job." Perhaps my perception is wrong. Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary defines a housewife as, "a married woman in charge of a household." Nothing there about having an outside job or not. Hmmm...so perhaps my girlfriends and I are housewives after all, even if we don't wear dresses around the house.

We've had times when we've been employed and times when we're not. We've had times when being a full-time mom was our sole job. (Don't worry. I know that being a mom is always a 24/7/365 full-time job.) I think today's housewives are more concerned with caring for their families and their homes, and not so worried about keeping the house. And we make sure we take care of ourselves, too. We might go shopping for something other than groceries (and sometimes we don't even buy anything!). Where our moms may have had a coffee klatch, we might find a few hours to share a bottle of wine or two. Some enjoy taking a run, others would rather curl up with a book. We're housewives, but we're not as narrowly defined as was once the case.

I suppose I'll have to admit that the women on Bravo may indeed be housewives. But I'd love to see more "real." Women who don't spend $1,000 on a dress. Women who don't have private parties at private clubs. Women who don't wear 4-inch heels every day. How about real housewives who make meatloaf? Women who do laundry, clean the toilet, plant a garden, mow the lawn? Housewives who pick up sick kids from school or homeschool their children? These are the real housewives in my world.

It can be funny, or disturbing, to see how the other half lives. I wouldn't mind watching, though, some real housewives getting through life like the rest of us.

I believe that I am a REAL housewife. Do you know one?



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